Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Neanderthal girl: Schwarzenegger is a girly man

So says anthropologist Peter McAllister in a new book:
An anthropologist has described modern man as “the sorriest cohort of masculine Homo sapiens to ever walk the planet”, with even Arnold Schwarzenegger at his muscular peak no match for a Neanderthal woman in the arm-wrestling stakes.
Well, then. And there's a lot more where that came from:

The prologue of McAllister's book warns blokes just how much of a humiliation they're in for, opening with: "If you're reading this then you - or the male you have bought it for - are the worst man in history. No ifs, no buts - the worst man, period.”

Chaps are then reminded that a Roman soldier was able to march one-and-a-half marathons in a single day, Rwandan Tutsi men could jump higher then the current world record of 2.45 metres, and Huichol Indian dads in Mexico tied strings to their 'nads so that their other half could give a quick tug during labour enabling them to share the childbirth experience.

But don't despair, you can break the family curse:
Those parents wishing to restore the male of the species to his former glory have a few options available: start your son firing arrows from galloping horses at the age of two, the better to emulate deadly accurate 12th century Mongol bowmen; train your offspring to throw an aboriginal hardwood spear 110 metres plus (as did the original Down Under locals, putting the current javelin world of 98.48 metres into perspective); or reserve him a seat on an Athenian oar-driven vessel, whose crew could easily out-row modern oarsmen.
Riiiiight. Or you could teach your son to do this:

And this seems somehow relevant, as a helpful reminder to anthropologist Peter McAllister:


Eseell said...

We might be physically weak, but I bet that neanderthal woman wasn't capable of powered flight or bypass surgery. I'm comfortable with the compromise.

Buck said...

I wonder if Peter McAllister and Dr. Wintemute went to the same college.

NotClauswitz said...

Adaptation suggests a reason Tutsi men could jump higher then 2.45 metres - how high can a heyena jump? For us it's, how high is the hood of a car? :-)
I take sailing a dingy to being on the oars of a Trireme!