Dad Joke CCCVIII, special Valentine's Day edition

What did the guy with a broken leg say to his valentine?

"I have a crutch on you."

Cowboy Junkies - Blue Moon Revisited

Ambisinistral at YARGB has a regular Friday feature, showcasing off-beat and unusual (well, to me at least) music groups.  It's a delight, and you should check it out.  Today it's Heidi Feek with her unbelievably sultry contralto version of Elvis' hit Blue Moon.  I'd never heard of her before, and it is a great intro to her.

But it made me think of The Cowboy Junkies, back in the day of Big Hair.  To my taste, this was their greatest song.

I only want to say That if there is a way I want my baby back with me 'cause he's my true love My only one don't you see? And on that fateful day Perhaps in the new sun of May My baby walks back into my arms I'll keep him beside me Forever from harm You see I was afraid To let my baby stray I kept him too tightly by my side And then one sad day He went away and he died Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone Without a dream in my heart Without a love of my own Blue Moon, you knew just what I was there for You heard me saying a prayer for Someone I really could care for I only want to say That if there is a way I want my baby back with me 'cause he's my true love My only one don't you see

Ambisinistral, thanks for this musical waltz down memory lane.  The Queen Of The World will think I'm being too nostalgic, but you know how sentimental I can be.  Especially when Big Hair is involved.  Did you know that The Queen Of The World had great Big Hair?  Very grrrr, Baby!

Megan Moroney - Tennessee Orange

Long time readers will know my dislike of "modern" Country music.  But The Queen Of The World told me that I had to listen to this song.  You see, she had been an Atlanta Braves fan but she started wearing Red Sox shirts for me.  Remember, all you need is three chords and the truth.  

Tennessee Orange (Songwriters: Paul Jenkins, David Fanning, Ben Williams, Megan Moroney)

Mama, I'm calling, I've got some news
Don't you tell Daddy, he'll blow a fuse
Don't worry I'm doing okay

I know you raised me to know right from wrong
It ain't what you think
And I'm still writing songs
Just never thought I'd see the day
I've never felt this way

I met somebody, and he's got blue eyes
He opens the door, and he don't make me cry
He ain't from where we're from, but he feels like home
He's got me doing things I've never done
In Georgia they'd call it a sin
I'm wearing Tennessee orange for him

He took me to Knoxville last Saturday
And I wore the hat on his dash to the game
Sure wasn't Athens, but I
Fell for him under those Neyland lights

I met somebody, and he's got blue eyes
He opens the door, and he don't make me cry
He ain't from where we're from, but he feels like home
He's got me doing things I've never done
In Georgia they'd call it a sin
I'm wearing Tennessee orange for him

Mama, forgive me
I like him a lot
Hell, I'm learning the words to "Ol' Rocky Top
And he's got a smile that makes me forget
I've always looked better in red

But I met somebody, and he's got blue eyes
He opens the door, and he don't make me cry
He ain't from where we're from, but he feels like home
He's got me doing things I've never done

I met somebody, and he's got blue eyes
He opens the door, and he don't make me cry
He ain't from where we're from, but he feels like home
He's got me doing things I've never done
In Georgia they'd call it a sin
And I still want the Dawgs to win
But I'm wearing Tennessee orange for him

I'm wearing Tennessee orange for him

Alison Krauss and Union Station - When You Say Nothing at All

Wirecutter (you do read him every day, right?  I thought so.) posts a complete concert of Allison Krauss and Union Station, which includes this song.  Listening, it made me think on the weakness of Music Criticism, the dissection of songs.  It made me think on the saying "All you need are three chords and the truth."  This song is not sophisticated, musically speaking.  But it speaks directly to the heart, with the volume turned up to eleven.

It made me ponder that it's been a while since I've posted a love letter to The Queen Of The World, and shame on me.  But the lyrics here speak the truth: she literally caught me when I fell.

Allison Krauss and Union Station need no introduction; if you've never heard of them just listen to this.  And listen to how how when the band first starts to play the song the crowd starts to cheer, and then settles down to "quiet as a church mouse".  And at the end the applause goes on, and on, and on.  That's Allison Krauss and Union Station.  Oh, and this bit from her Wikipedia bio kind of sums up the phenomenon that is Allison Krauss:

As of 2019, she has won 27 Grammy Awards from 42 nominations,^[3] ranking her fourth behind Beyoncé, Quincy Jones and classical conductor Georg Solti for most Grammy Award wins overall.^[4] Krauss was the singer and female artist with the most awards in Grammy history^[5] until Beyoncé won her 28th Grammy in 2021.^[6] When Krauss won her first Grammy in 1991, she was the second-youngest winner at that time.

Three chords and the truth.  A Truth worthy of not just a love letter, but a love letter to my sweetheart.

When You Say Nothing At All (songwriters: Paul Overstreet, Don Schlitz):

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of our hands say you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking aloud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old Mr. Webster could never define
What's being said between your heart and mine

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of our hands say you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of our hands say you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

I would be remiss if I didn't also mention the band, especially Ron Block (guitar) and Jerry Douglass (perhaps the world's greatest dobro player).

Thanks, Wirecutter.  And double thanks to my sweetheart.

Tchaikovsky - Love Theme from Romeo and Juliet

I posted this two years ago but it highlights just how lost I would be without The Queen Of The World.

This is arguably the most famous romantic music ever written and since this is the Feast of St. Valentine here's something to share with your sweetheart.  Relax, even if she's not a classical music aficionado , she knows this.  You do too.  I mean, it's been in literally everything, from Sesame Street to Wayne's World.

What's surprising is that Tchaikovsky's masterpiece was initially poorly received and he had to re-write it.  But the effort was worth it - this really made his reputation and as I said, this is the most famous piece of romantic classical music ever written.

If you want to cheat, skip ahead to around 8:50.  You should find yourself humming right along.

And now for a confession: I had searched for this for literally years, but to my shame didn't know who the composer was and didn't think about Tchaikovsky.  I mentioned this to The Queen Of The World and she found it in literally 5 minutes.  She's not just a pretty face, she's wicked smart.

Wolfgang's girlfriend is having a sleepover

Light posting because I'm chaperoning.   After all, Wolfgang isn't even ten years old and Spohie is even younger.

That's Sophie on the left and Wolfgang on the right.  

Wives. Wadda ya going to do?

No, you cannot go all shiny and chrome.

I feel your pain, Miguel J.KB. (Can you guys get the posts tagged with the author's name?)

You don't tug on Superman's cape

You don't spit into the wind.  You don't pull the mask of that old Lone Ranger and you don't f*** around with Miguel. 

Srlsy, you don't do that.

Michael Buble and Thalia - Feliz Navidad

This is just fun.

That's a lot of questions

As a change of pace from the election brouhaha and the end-of-the-Republic vibe, here's a hilarious Jeff Foxworthy routine that The Queen Of The World found.  The last line is hilarious.

Her funny valentine

I may be funny (err, not in the "Ha Ha" way), but I'm her funny valentine.



This is a great performance for Valentine's Day.  If you're lucky, you'll share it with someone who doesn't have any idea just how amazing they are to you.  Err, like The Queen Of The World doesn't understand quite how wonderful I think she is.

Which is strange, because I find that I wrote my Valentine to her a while back:

(originally posted 7 October 2017, on the anniversary of the motorcycle accident that joined us together.  I know, romantic.  Amirite?)

The day I fell for her

Three years ago today, The Queen Of The World and I were on a motorcycle trip to the beach. We'd only been dating a few weeks, and she was fun (and pretty as a picture), so off we went.

It ended in an accident. The bike went down fast, and hard. I broke a lot of bones and was in the ICU for days. Fortunately the fall didn't hurt her badly.

But I was the lucky one, because over the next few days I saw what an extraordinary woman she was. She arranged a rental car and trailer, got the bike loaded, and got the (very drugged up on pain killers) Borepatch home. And then took care of me for the weeks it took me to heal.

She could have run from a suddenly high maintenance (and often grumpy and rarely much fun) Borepatch. She didn't.

It was an unusual experience for me to be wrapped up in unconditional love and care. A nice experience. REALLY nice.

Unconditional, even when I was stubborn and dumb, like trying to get back in the saddle before I was capable, like trying to drive the manual shift Jeep with my arm in a sling. To this day I've never seen her as angry. She knew I would hurt myself, which I did. In her mind I was under her care, and I was messing myself up because of hard headedness. She hated to see me hurt myself.

And so I realized that I hadn't fallen three feet that day, I'd fallen hopelessly in love with an extraordinary woman. Sure she was fun (and pretty as a picture), but she also was fiercely loyal and had a spine of tempered steel. I didn't stand a chance, and quite frankly would have had to have been the biggest fool on earth to let her get away.

Three years later we're coming up on our second wedding anniversary. That was sure a lucky fall, one that opened my eyes to the amazing woman who was right in front of me.

Jackie Gleason - Music For Lovers Only

If all you remember of Jackie Gleason is "The Honeymooners" and "smokey And The Bandit" then this may be a surprise: This album still holds the Billboard record for the longest stay on the Top Ten chart - 153 weeks, which is basically three years).

Gleason composed music.  He got the idea for this album when he was watching a Clark Gabel movie and had the thought that the film was terrible but the music made it tolerable.  He left the theater thinking that if Gabel needed a good music score then what hope does a guy from Brooklyn have?  And so he wrote this.

It's pretty good.  It's background music for you and your Lady, but that's what he wrote it for.  He can set the mood, but you need to do the rest.

Louis Armstrong - A Kiss to Build a Dream On

It's autumn, the leaves are turning and temperature is falling.  Curl up in front of a fireplace with your sweetheart this weekend.



They sure don't write them like this anymore.

It wasn't just the D-Day men that were Greatest Generation

The women were pretty bad-ass, too.



Let's all have a safe weekend.  If you can't have that, then have a bad-ass one.

I saw it on the internet so it has to be true

Wow:

A man from Waterbury in Connecticut faces divorce after his wife found out that he was not actually deaf and had been faking it for more than 62 years to avoid having to listen to her. 

According to the divorce papers, 84-year old Barry Dawson never spoke a single word in front of his 80-year old wife Dorothy during the decades they lived together.

Seems that this is making the rounds on the 'net - it's a funny story and so it's popping up all over.  The only problem?  It's not true.

Scroll all the way to the bottom of the page in the link.  You'll find this:

World News Daily Report assumes all responsibility for the satirical nature of its articles and for the fictional nature of their content. All characters appearing in the articles in this website – even those based on real people – are entirely fictional and any resemblance between them and any person, living, dead or undead, is purely a miracle.

Entirely fictional.  The site does satire.  This is pretty funny satire, but satire it remains.

How women wrap presents vs. how men wrap presents

I've never seen anyone wrap presents like the Queen Of The World.  When she's done they're simply spectacular.  For example:

And another:

Now I'm not as bad as this next example, but there's a lot of truth in this:

Made us laugh, that did.

20 things never to say (or not say) to your wife.

LOL.

But there's a lot of good advice there for our young Gentlemen Readers.

Happy Valentine's Day

The Queen Of The World has been leaving little surprises around all over Castle Borepatch, which is great fun.  I hope you have as nice a Valentine's Day as I'm having.  Or at least better than this:

Truth in labeling

This is awesome.

Dating advice

Posted as a public service to my young Gentlemen Readers.  I'm told that the chicks dig this sort of thing.



Well, it's what I was told ...