In which I pwn Andrew Sullivan

It ain't braggin' if you can do it.  But man, Google's rankings are weird sometimes.

Thank you, random Internet person!

It's meme time!  Here's mine:

Click to embiggenate.

The link takes you here, to the younger #2 Son, a Mosin, a bayonet, and a Pokemon.  I actually kind of hope that my nieces don't browse there.

So what J. Random Visitor from Al Gore's series of tubes made you laugh out loud?

Some days, I just own Google

Heh.  The link led here.  Double heh.

Observe the power of this fully operational weblog

That's me: number 5 out of 25 Million. Heh.

For my next trick, I'll probably make them un-hide the decline, or something ...

I see my work here is done

Heh. Number 6 out of 1.9 million. And what does the intrepid Googler find when he clicks through to my little corner of Al Gore's Intarwebz? This:


Double heh.

Referrer Madness

It's odd what leads some folks to this little corner of Al Gore's Intarwebz.

Mac Fanboys vs Windows Fanboys vs Linux Fanboys

Cage match! I'm betting on the Linux fanboys, because they're used to fighting sneaky. Mac Fanboys are too emo, and the Windows dudes got no security.

i hacked neighbor's wifi. now what do i do?

It's customary to bring it back with a full tank. If you want to add a personal gesture of appreciation, you might get it washed, too.

damnyankee 2 words?

Like they say in Maine, ayuh.

Referrer Madness

It's been a long time since I've done one of these, but I've got a good group of referral strings.

merry christmas

Merry Christmas to you, too. I have to confess that I was a little shocked to see this from Google - 35 Million results, and little old me on the first page. It would be heart warming, except the link points to this.

Heh.

copenhagen irrelevant

Interesting question. Copenhagen has a population of around 1.2M people. That makes it comparable to San Diego or Dallas. So the city seems decently relevant, although I'd think there are more places to go shooting in Dallas.

The recent UN Copenhagen "Accords"? Yeah - irrelevant.

nsa backdoor

There are many doors at Ft. Meade - just ask the armed guards. As to whether they have a backdoor into your computer, you're likely so full of spyware that they wouldn't need to backdoor your software.

That said, "the NSA has a backdoor to try to ensnare me" is a variant of the sort of thing that Vietnam War era hippies used to say to try to get chicks into the sack. Sorry to break the news to you, but the NSA really doesn't care much about you, Scooter. Srlsy.

how to deworm a computer

Call the NSA.

Latest blogosphere posts tagged “REDNECK”

This one came in from Technorati, not Google. Huh? Someone is still looking at them? I mean, they've given me almost as much "authority" (606) as FireDogLake (712).

what does a bore look like?

It's a bit of a large group of subjects, but how about this?

I dunno - does this slide make my ass look big?

Borepatch: The Internet Leader in Why Obamacare is Terrible

Well, it is.

Some folks are fixin' to be disappointed

It seems that search.cnn.com has made me the top result for "erin andrews nude pix". Oh, boy. Google, too.

My blog is sadly - tragically, even - nude free. Not that we don't appreciate the fairer sex, of course. Particularly when well armed.

And let me repeat what I said in the post that seems to be CNN flypaper:

So if you absolutely must chase smut, don't use Internet Explorer, don't click through to any "security" sites you see advertised at the smut shop, and don't download any helpful "security" programs from the smutters.

I kind of think that this all goes without saying, but a million pwned computers in the global botnet zombiepocalypse army would tell me that I'd be wrong.

No extra charge - it's all part of the service.

But it's given me a great new tag name ...

Referrer Madness

Sitemeter shows some serious strangeness:

What would Jesus shoot? Seems I'm #2 on Google for this, and don't even answer the question. Personally, I believe that He loves all his shooty children, yea even in .25 ACP.

And what is it with Nazi Zombies? 10% of my traffic is coming from a Google Image search that's leading people to this. Ten percent. I can't for the life of me tell what is linking to me (other than Google Images), but there sure seem to be a lot of people who care enough to click. Yikes.

And a day without a search for Teletubby shooting is like a day without sunshine. #1 on Google for that, although I think that may illegal in some jurisdictions. There's no doubt that this post holds the record for the number of days it's seen incoming hits. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. ;-)

And ever popular with overseas readers is Hack Your Neighbor's WiFi. Clearly an example of Cowboy Capitalism run amok, with no thought or care for the social fabric of society. Selfish bastards. I blame George W. Bush.

So a word to new bloggers: if you really want to drive sitemeter stats, don't bother with deep thinking and carefully crafted prose (assuming there's much of that around here). Nazi Zombies, baby!

Search Term Safari

terri clark political party

I think that would be the "Canadian" party.

ur doin it rong meme

Dunno about that. You're here, right?

definition of bitter clinger

(adj.) bit·ter (noun) clin'·ger

1. McCain voters.
2. Reagan Democrats.
3. Me (and JayG).
   

people breaking the bill of rights

Those would be "government employees". No, really.

britan civilization

Did you mean: britain civilization?

what happens for iron bridges when it rusts

Is this a trick question, or something?

definition of uber german

Marko is pretty darn close.

Proof? Well, he thought up the "Search Term Safari" idea. Me, I just steal other people's ideas. Makes me non-uber (and not-german).

how to keep the coating on fried chicken?

I dunno. Don't eat it, maybe?

free download of windows softwares

Open your mouth and close your eyes, Scooter.

hack teh vote

3l3ct teh c4nd1d4t3z!!!One!

can be emo 25 yrs old

Well, you're a little old. Buy whatever floats your boat, Scooter.

Search Term Safari

Boy, the searches keep rolling in!

how does malware infect mp3 files

This usually happens when people don't practice safe SeX (Streaming Exchange). Careful where you're downloading from, Scooter. Remember that "free download" is Intarwebz-speak for "open your mouth and close your eyes".

redneck security picture

OK, but just this once.

winchester 30 30 1894 accessories

Who says that the ladies are the only ones who can have fun shopping. Just remember, gents - accessorizing an old rifle can take it from ho hum to breathtaking!

mac fanboys

Surprisingly, it seems that Linux fanboys are over-represented on this blog.

what makes men live five years longer

I'm told that the path to this leads via the words "yes, dear." Your mileage may vary.

what are we going to do brain

The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world!

how to get into teh business of glamor

You need to ask Teh Manolo. Quite frankly, I'm mystified. I'd guess that you could start with a spell checker, though.

palin domestic tranquility

I hear that the secret is to get a snowmobile and something in .300 Win Magnum.

Search Term Safari

is nasa nuking the moon

Releasing large amounts of dangerous radiation in the Lunar environment will clearly have a significant impact on the Lunar ecosystem. Quite frankly, the Greens are AWOL on this. NO NUKES! NO NUKES!

dark spots on fried chicken

Ur doin it rong. Either you've fried it too long, in which case the dark spots have gone past the yummy carmalized stage to the yukky burnt stage, or your chicken was nasty when you started, or you've left it in the fridge too long. In any case, you're not paying enough attention.

miranda lambert breasts

Sorry, this isn't that kind of blog. And remember her song: "I'll show you what little girls are made of - gun powder and lead." An armed society is a polite society, after all.

Oh, and dude? You need to get out more. Meet some nice women. Just sayin.'

"i, for one, welcome our new * overlords"

Unfortunately, most stars are in Hollywood. While they clearly think that they should be running everything (I'm talking to you, Tim Robbins!), they seem pretty unqualified to me. Your mileage may vary.

sarah palin skeet shooting

More fun than Dick Cheney skeet shooting, at least if you're a lawyer.

what does it mean to find a dead horse's head in your bed?

Not gonna be a good day for you, scooter.

when the stock market crashed, franklin d. roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, princes of greed. he said, "look, here's what happened".

Joe Biden's doin it rong. So's the Lamestream Media. But since you came here, you're doin it right! Well done, you!

what is a bore patch used for

I don't think I want to see what your barrels look like. I really, really, really hope that you're shooting non-corrosive ammo.

fembots palin

I think that she makes feminist's heads come off. Anyway, that's what I heard.

cyber security

ur doin it rong. Nothing personal - everyone's doin it rong. Oh, bother.

how much to charge for making a peach cobbler

Depends on whether you're a Republican or a Democrat. If you're a Republican, you take your hourly pay rate and multiply by how much time you spent. If you're a Democrat, you ask yourself "How much does the person getting this Peach Cobler actually need this Peach Cobler?" The more that they need it, the less you charge for it. Then you wonder why there isn't enough Peach Cobler to go around.

what happens when press alt, ctrl and del together

At least for a moment, your Windows computer enters "Secure" mode. You can tell because it says "Windows is Starting Up." Once it's actually started up, it's a whole 'nother game, of course, but you're secure until then. Well done, you!

UPDATE 8 October 2008 22:47: Must-see Ctrl-Alt-Del here.

Search Term Safari

It's wierd to see that I get enough hits that I can actually put one of these together.

redneck thinking of you quotes

That's awfuly sweet, but I'm already married. Thanks, though!

how to can make boom

Well, squeezing the trigger works for me. Remember, it's squeeze, not pull. Always remember the 4 Rules, and if your "boom" is successful, you'll want ear protection.

teletubbies shooting, shoot time for teletubbies, etc

I see so many of this sort of thing, that I assumed that I was the number 1 Google hit for this. Pretty disturbing. I find, to my relief, that I'm not even on the first page.

That said, you should be ashamed of yourself. I say that as someone who's actually shot a Telletubby.

ur doing it rong

Well, you're here, aren't you?

winchester 30 30 1894 ranger

Mmmmmm. Lever Gun!

And there's a lot more where that came from, buster!

Seems I'm the number 5 hit on Google for "starving african children" - although my post is on how environmentalist's policies are killing them.

I guess that if I have to use my super Jedi Google powers, there are worse causes out there. These are not the links that you're looking for ....

h/t Marko, who has much, much funnier search safaris than I do.