Dad Joke CCCXXXIV

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird.

Costco wines tasted by professional Sommelier

I ran across this because the Youtube algorithm tossed it up in my feed (Lord knows why).  But Andre Mack seems to have some chops as a sommelier, and he has a really interesting tasting of Costco (Kirkland Signature) wines.  These range from $4 to $30 a bottle, mostly in the $8 - $12 range.  Bottom line: some dogs but surprisingly few.

My impression: can confirm on the Kirkland Pinot Grigio.  It's not something you'll find at a Michelin Star restaurant, but it's really good vino locale (or in French, le bon vin de table).  And it comes in the 3 liter box for $13.  Endorsed.

So I watched this and thought that Mr. Mack seems legit.  As a follow up, I watched this tasting of the same wine from different vintages, 1978 to 2016.  I believe that Mr. Mack is indeed legit.  There's good stuff here.

I like how he describes himself as a wine "nerd" - guilty as charged, although my days of real wine nerdism are a third of a century in the rear view mirror.  I even built a wine cellar under the basement stairs.  What Mack says here about how wine ages is exactly what I saw with a case of Bordeaux (1986 Gruaud Larose).  Over the span of six years the wine definitely and obviously changed each year.

Ya know, if I had kept that untouched, the $30/bottle (1990 dollars) would be now worth ~ $300/bottle (2024 dollars*).  But you need to not move every 5 years, so that won't work.

But watch the first video for sure, and go get you some legit cheap wine at Costco.  I hadn't known that they're the top wine merchant in the US.

*About 30 cents/bottle in 1990 dollars, given how inflation is running.

Yo Ho Ho

For my birthday, The Queen Of The World got me (among other things) a really interesting book:

Wayne Curtis' book, And A Bottle Of Rum: A History Of The New World In Ten Cocktails.  You see, I've gotten interested in (good) rums in the last year or two, and she (heck - and you) know my interest in history.  This was a twofer.

It's way more interesting than you might think.  For example, if there hadn't been rum, there very well may not have been an American Revolution.  Really.

The book charts the history from the early funky and maybe undrinkable stuff to how rum conquered the New World in the early twentieth century - and how Prohibition almost changed it into something unrecognizable.

But it ends on a high note, with Tiki drinks - particularly the Mai Tai - is a chapter that is clearly a love letter to the lost Tiki Bar era.  It's great fun, and great entertainment.  This book comes highly recommended.

And the original Trader Vic Mai Tai is nothing like what you get in a bar today, unless you seek out one of the few great old Tiki Bars that Curtis writes about.  But we do have a recipe from Trader Vic, highlighted in this excellent Tasting History video from Max Miller:

Both book and video are heartily recommended, Me Hearties.

I would SO go here

FOtB Pachydermis2 is tending bar at the coolest bar ever.

I would totally have a drink there.  Oh by the way, his mask was because they were excavating rock.

What do you do with empty beer cans?

Silicon Graybeard shows you how to melt them down and cast them into an AR lower.  So you've got alcohol and firearms - the only way you could make this better is by lighting the smelter flame with a cigar.  'Murica!

Ashley Monroe - You Ain't Dolly (And You Ain't Porter)

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, (in)famous for parties that aren't remembered afterwards.  Of course there's a Country song for that.  I'm not big on the new country music but this is a tip of the hat to the giants of old.  It's one in a neo-traditional style with hilarious lyrics that, in the best Country music tradition tell a story that we all have seen acted out in front of us.

But remember that alcohol and karaoke don't mix.  Make sure that your party has a Dedicated Singer ...



You Ain't Dolly (Songwriters: Ashley Monroe, Vincent Grant Gill)

You ain't Dolly and you ain't Porter
She's a little bit fuller and you're a whole lot shorter
Let's dance all night and fill the jukebox full of quarters
'Cause you ain't Dolly, no, and you ain't Porter

Well I noticed you right off the bat in those cowboy boots
Who couldn't help but see you in that rhinestone suit
That's cause I'm the reigning queen of karaoke night
Well if I get drunk enough to sing, hell I just might

Hey now, don't you worry cowboy, cause I'll get you through
We'll sing a cheating song just like they used to do

Cause you ain't Dolly and you ain't Porter
She's a little bit fuller
Yeah, but you're a whole lot shorter
Let's drink all night and fill the jukebox full of quarters
Cause you ain't Dolly and you ain't Porter

You'll probably see me country singing on The Voice someday
Yeah and I'm the guy they wrote about in 50 Shades of Grey
Why don't you come on back to my place and you can have your way
Well baby that sounds tempting, but I just can't stay
Oh we won first prize cowboy, let's just split the dough
Honey I will always love you, but we'll never know

Cause you ain't Dolly and you ain't Porter
She's a little bit fuller
Yeah, and you're a whole lot shorter
We danced all night and filled the jukebox full of quarters
Cause you ain't Dolly and you ain't Porter, no
No, you ain't Dolly and you ain't Porter

Cocktailblogging: The French 75

The Canon de 75 modèle 1897 artillery piece revolutionized warfare.  Much like the German 88 was the finest artillery of World War II, the French 75 was the finest of the Great War.  Indeed, it set the modern form for artillery: the recoil was absorbed by a hydro-pneumatic cylinder, where the air began to compress (absorbing the recoil) with increasing resistance until all backwards motion was halted, and then the stored energy returned the gun tube to the firing position.  The result was that the gun was pointed at the exact same target after it was fired.

What that meant was that for the first time the gun crew didn't have to re-aim.  All they had to do was load another shell and fire again.  And that meant an unprecedented rate of fire.  Rather than four rounds a minute the French 75 could shoot one every 2 seconds.  Without this rate of fire, France would have lost at Verdun, and therefore lost the war.

Plus the 75 mm shell had a huge wallop.  And so to the name of theis cocktail, which was invented in Paris' Harry's American Bar (yes, that Harry's) and which was Hemingway's favorite.

It kicked like a mule, which what what Hemingway was after.  As with all great things, there's a controvery: Red Sox vs. Yankees, 9mm vs. .45 ACP, French 75 made with gin vs. French 75 made with Cognac.  Today we make it with Cognac.  More on gin later.

1.5 oz Cognac
0.5 oz Triple Sec
0.5 oz freshly squeezed lemon juice
Champagne

The first thing to point out here is that you're not using top shelf mixers in a cocktail like this.  For example, Grand Marnier would be a waste.  XO Cognac would be a waste.  Vintage Champagne would be a waste.  You want something passably decent, but that's it.  Trader Joe's is your friend.  The one thing you cannot skimp on is use freshly squeezed lemon juice.

Combine the Cognac, Triple Sec and lemon juice in a metal cocktail shaker half full of ice.  Shake until the shaker is frosted on the outside with, well, frost.  Pour into a large wine glass.

This is the point where I must pause to discuss two controversies.  The first is that some people prefer the use of gin, rather than Cognac.  If you subscribe to the theory that clear drinks are higher social status than colored (I don't), then bring the Bombay.  This debate, as I pointed out before, falls into the same camp as Red Sox vs. Yankees, and so is actually perfect for Cocktail Party conversation.

The second controversy is that the original recipe is much stronger than what I listed here: 2 full jiggers of gin or Brandy, and one full one of Triple Sec (and make it a full jigger of lemon juice, too).  The cocktail's name came from the impact crater of the original canon, and while Hemingway's thirst (and capacity to quench same) was legendary, I find that a drink of this strength rapidly closes off Cocktail Party conversation (as most participants are soon lying face down, drooling).  Forewarned is forearmed.

Fill the glass with Champagne.  Et voila!  Garnish with a lovingly dogeared copy of Farewell To Arms, and serve to a grateful Public.