OK, there are indeed three exclamation points in the title (!!!!1!one!!), but this is a Country & Western meme from JayG
. I mean, if that doesn't deserve three exclamation points in the title, nothing does.
Okay, so there's two fiction inspired posts in one day today. This one's inspired by The Blues Brothers, the scene where they go to Bob's Country Bunker and wind up playing a country & western bar. Saw a clip of the start of that scene the other day, and it got me to thinkin'...
What could I sing in that scenario? Could I do an entire C&W set of songs I know by heart?
Jay, now that's just wavin' a red flag in front of a bull, good buddy.
Now, Country has a million songs, but slow down Cowpoke. We're gonna have to do some weedin' out:
- Disqualify great country songs that my voice simply can't do justice to. Anything by Martina McBride (Anyway) or Allison Krause (When You Say Nothing At All) goes here.
- Disqualify great songs where the material is simply not appropriate being sung by a guy. Kellie Pickler's "Red High Heels" or SheDAISY's "She Gets What I Deserve". Unless it's in a bar in Provincetown, MA, in which you get double points. If you know what I mean.
- Disqualify songs that I simply do not have the skill to sing. Anything from Cowboy Troy or Big and Rich goes here. I just couldn't pull it off.
With that, there's still a bunch of great honkey tonk songs that I know by heart, and can sing creditably. And no, I'm not afraid to perform in front of a crowd. Someday maybe I'll tell you about being out with The Guys from the Tokyo office, when I sang karaoke Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto ...
Where The Stars And Stripes And the Eagle Fly - Aaron Tippin
It's Five O'Clock Somewhere - Alan Jackson
One In A Row - Buddy Jewel
Wolves - Garth Brooks
Letters From Home - John Michael Montgomery
There Goes My Life - Kenney Chesney
Tattoos & Scars - Montgomery Gentry
I Just Wanna Be Mad - Terri Clark
The Cowboy In Me - Tim McGraw (have to change key; I'm a barritone)
Love Me If You Can - Toby Keith
One Hot Momma - Trace Adkins
T-R-O-U-B-L-E - Travis Tritt
The Song Remembers When - Trisha Yearwood
What the Cowgirls Do - Vince Gill
That's my fourteen. Now here are the ones that I'd like
to be able to do, but simply could not possibly pull off:
I Play Chicken With The Train - Cowboy Troy (Me? Rap?)
Paris - Faith Hill (more like a show tune - you need actual talent)
Blacks and Whites - Phil Vasser (ditto)
Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy - Big & Rich (don't think I could perform the way this needs you to perform when you sing it)
Hurt - Johnny Cash (you have to live it to sing it; having lived it doesn't mean you can
Walking In Memphis - Lonestar (ditto)
The Moon and St. Christopher - Mary Chapin Carpenter (ditto ditto)
How Far - Martina McBride (I don't feel bad; nobody can sing like her)
Live Like You Were Dying - Tim McGraw (I don't think I could sing this without choking up)
'Til You Love Me - Reba McIntyre (beautiful song, but it's about a stalker; too creepy if it was sung my a dude)
Boondocks - Little Big Town (I can't do amazing, four-part harmony with myself)
All Night Long - Montgomery Gentry (I can't play guitar this well)
Somebody Like You - Keith Urban (I really
can't play guitar this well)
Drinkin' Me Lonely - Chris Young (my voice doesn't remotely have the range to sing this)