Monday, January 30, 2012

A new Republican candidate?

Sonic Charmer throws his hat into the ring:
Frustrated with the current slate of options faced by our country, and after zero lengthy discussions with my family or soul-searching, I have decided to do the right and responsible thing by my country and throw my hat into the ring to be the evil (R) party’s nominee for President of the United States. Please vote for me, like by writing in “Sonic Charmer”, or (if you’re a broker at the convention) please broker the convention for me. Or however you call it, I’m not sure how that part works.

Key facts about me, Sonic Charmer, and why I am qualified to be the next President of the United States:


  • Wife count: < 2 (strict inequality).

  • Would be cool with Warren Buffet’s secretary’s tax rate being lowered by special Act of Congress. (I’d overhaul the tax code to be flatter for the rest of us, but Warren Buffet’s secretary, she’s a special case, we’re all very concerned about her)

  • Visionary. I think we should build a giant space station next to a wormhole. An AMERICAN space station.

  • Read the whole thing.  There's actually a lot of great renewable, green energy you can get from a wormhole.


    Kevin said...

    No, no, no. The Rethuglicans are the stupid party. The Demoncraps are the evil party!

    Yeesh. Everyone knows that.

    Dave H said...

    There's actually a lot of great renewable, green energy you can get from a wormhole.

    Better plan on building a good border fence. You think we have a problem with illegal aliens now? Wait'll you see what pops out of that wormhole.

    Broken Andy said...

    Actually, the wormhole idea isn't about renewal energy. At one time it was thought it would be one bitchin' garbage disposal. Some scientist figured out all the trash we stuff in it goes straight to Hell. Turns out the other end of the wormhole was actually New Jersey. In hindsight, it was an easy mistake to make... we don't yet have the technology to measure the difference.