Drink, Comrade, drink! It's that or the Gulag!
It's real, and has a real sense of humor:
Ingredients: Seething disappointment, Carbonated Water, Cane Sugar, Citric Acid, Gum Acacia, Natural and Artificial Flavor, Glyceryl Abietate, Sodium Benzoate, Artificial Color.Combine this with some Stolichnaya, and you have a party fit for the New Soviet Man. And this video is obligatory:
Kulaks need not apply ...