The TSA Internet is for Porn

Since the TSA is running amok and is seemingly unaccountable to anyone, let me offer what I believe is a plan with real potential to get some actual security from the Transportation SECURITY Agency.

1. All members of Congress, as well as the Secretaries of Transportation and Homeland Security, and the President and Vice President shall have their images captured by the TSA's PervScan™ "security" scanner*.

2. All these images shall be stored, as we know that the PervScan™ allow this capability.

3. In the event of one of the following incidents, all these stored images will be made available on the Internet, labeled with the name of the person scanned:

(a) A successful terrorist attack on the USA made via commercial airlines.

(b) Ten (10) Youtube videos of children under the age on ten (10) being traumatized by TSA screening being posted within the space of twelve (12) consecutive calendar months.  "Traumatized" shall mean for the purpose of this plan to be the child screaming for ten (10) seconds or more.

(c)  Jon Stewart or Oprah call for the release of the images.

The reason to this is that the government will now have a stake in a smoothly functioning, unintrusive Airport Security Agency.  An added (but likely substantial) benefit is an economic stimulus.  Consider the market possibilities of this program:

1. A Vegas line on which male Congressman has the smallest junk.  I expect that the betting here will be (ahem) active.  Note to Borepatch readers: do not bet on Massachusetts Senator Hottie McAwesome Scott Brown for small junk.

2. The pictures of female Congresswomen could be sold via pay-per-view (at least for the hot ones (cough)Michelle Bachmann (cough) ...).

Offered as a proof point for the economic benefits of the plan, in song form (warning: song is NSFW):



The TSA Internet is for Porn.  This plan would make that explicit.  That would change things, quickly.

* Scare quotes used intentionally.