Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Condolences to the Goober household

He and Mrs. Goober were expecting, but they just suffered a miscarriage.  If you want to stop by and leave some words in their time of sorrow I'd be right grateful.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

- Psalm 139: 13-16
May flights of Angels sing the baby to his rest.


Goober said...

Thanks, pal. I wrote a couple of posts last night (and just posted them this morning) in a sort of attempt to wrap my mind around what is going on. i think I've got it more or less nailed. it's been a rough couple of months for my group. More at the link...

I honestly didn't think that this was going to bother me as much as it has. I really thought it would be a shrug, and a "no big deal" and move on.

I was wrong. And I was too un-self-aware to recognize that, and as a result, I ended up being a jackass to my wife on Saturday without even realizing it.

So go, you men. Read about my folly, learn from it, and be a better man...

Dave H said...

Goober: My condolences. There are some things that we may think are "no big deal," but we've invested so much hope in them that they really are. We mourn the loss of hope just as much as any other loss.

Be kind to your wife, but be kind to yourself too.

A Reader said...


How can it hurt so damn much to miss someone you've never held?

The Lord is my Shepherd.

Darn it, but it's dusty in here today.

Goober said...

“How can it hurt so damn much to miss someone you've never held?”

They say a mother becomes a mother at the moment of conception, and a father becomes a father when he holds his child for the first time.

They’re wrong. I didn’t realize that until last night when the denial phase passed and the next one set in.

I was a father to this little one already. I know in my heart that he would have been a boy. His name would have been Derek, and I would have loved him so much…

Borepatch said...

Amen, Goober. Amen.

A Reader said...

Yeah. If there is a denial phase, it fits between breaths. Maybe between "something's wrong, dear" and "Get me to the hospital now." But once it's confirmed, it falls like a ton of bricks. Did for me anyway.

My wife is certain she was carrying a girl. We named her Rose. We weren't that far along, so we hadn't gotten to the ultrasounds and gender stage, so mother's intuition is all we have.

I was kind of a jerk, too, Goober. I woke up oh dark early one Monday. She had been having terrible pain. She asked me to take her to the hospital, but I hesitated. I wasn't sure it was serious. I didn't WANT it to be serious.

A couple of hours later, the doctor confirmed our worst fear: we had been pregnant.

And yes, a father who wants to be one becomes a Dad at conception. To hold the mother is to hold the child.