Tuesday, July 17, 2012

What could possibly go wrong?

Drugs?  Nope.  Gunpowder residue?  Probably.  Bacon?  Heck yeah.  Fourth Amendment?  We don' need no steenkin' Fourth Amendment:
Within the next year or two, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security will instantly know everything about your body, clothes, and luggage with a new laser-based molecular scanner fired from 164 feet (50 meters) away. From traces of drugs or gun powder on your clothes to what you had for breakfast to the adrenaline level in your body—agents will be able to get any information they want without even touching you.

And without you knowing it.
But point a laser at a Policeman here in Georgia and you're a felon.  If you point it at a Legislator or Congressman, I wonder if it would detect traces of Douchebaggery.

Tar and feathers.


Chris said...

The mindset is that anything that is not mandatory is forbidden. If a serf, er, excuse me, a citizen is carrying, consuming, using, or doing anything of which some morally and ethically warped politician disapproves, you are presumed guilty until one of the autonomous drones mentioned in the previous post can drop by to kill you.

The Czar of Muscovy said...

Please note that the Gizmodo article is fraudulently researched. The device in question is an ordinary spectrometer used for a variety of purposes. It CANNOT perform as described in the article, which was written by an "anonymous" expert who simply took the technical specs and ginned the whole thing up. This device has been on the market for a long time and is used in construction, analysis, medical research, and more.

Blue said...

"traces of Douchebaggery"


How perfect is that description, eh? Good job!

Ritchie said...

However, should such a thing come to fruition, I'm seeing a massive market for spoofkits. "Um, it says here, wombat pheromones. Is that in the diagnostics?"

Anonymous said...

At some point the technical capability described will come to fruition, at which point the huge market for nitrate-enhanced fabric softener will make someone a fortune.

Hoppe's and Accurate Arms can get together and make "Product # 99."

Keith said...

Happy memories of the Dilbert workplace dope testing results:

"Wally, it says you dress in a grass skirt and taunt the grass cutter"

I'm avoiding staplers for the next month.

The Czar of Muscovy said...

http://www.gormogons.com/2012/07/paranoia-will-destroy-ya-picosecond.html is where I spell out the facts.

Borepatch said...

Dang it, Czar - you're spoiling my fun. ;-)

The Czar of Muscovy said...

Well old buddy, I took your post as satire.