Tuesday, May 17, 2011

We have to stop this sensless War on Drugs Tortillas

Most of the time when I look at North Carolina, I see a place that's trying to turn itself into the Massachusetts of Dixie.*

Rick emails to remind me that sometimes, they live down to all of Massachusetts' worst stereotypes of them:

Hispanic groups are demanding an apology from a North Carolina sheriff's department that held a Mexican immigrant for four days after deputies mistook tortilla dough for cocaine. 

It turns out that Mr. Carranza is a legal immigrant to this land (welcome, sir!), and was driving to visit his sister.  It seems that Barney Fife didn't like his looks, and went looking for a reason to throw him into durance vile.  Well, mission accomplished, Bubba!

At that point, several deputies forced Hernández out of the truck and placed him under arrest. He was accused of ignoring the patrol car's flashing lights and of driving while intoxicated, though a subsequent breathalyzer test showed Hernández was not drunk.

Deputies impounded his truck, which they searched after a drug-sniffing dog indicated the presence of narcotics. The search led to 91 pounds of tortilla dough and other foodstuffs that authorities mistook for cocaine.
There actually is a rational explanation as to how the deputies can be this moronic poorly trained - the sheriff is a moron, too.  He clearly hasn't heard the saying that when you're in a hole, stop digging:

At that point, several deputies forced Hernández out of the truck and placed him under arrest. He was accused of ignoring the patrol car's flashing lights and of driving while intoxicated, though a subsequent breathalyzer test showed Hernández was not drunk.

Deputies impounded his truck, which they searched after a drug-sniffing dog indicated the presence of narcotics. The search led to 91 pounds of tortilla dough and other foodstuffs that authorities mistook for cocaine.

So, he wasn't drunk, although they said he was.  He didn't have cocaine, although they said he did.  They threw him in jail for four days, because they were a bunch of blooming idiots.

Rick comments dryly that he would be willing to help:

If the good Sheriffs in North Carolina can't tell the difference between cocaine and tortilla dough, I volunteer to be the tester.  I figure I would win no matter what it turned out to be.

My thought was that I hope that Mr. Carranza sues.  I for one would pay cash money to hear Deputy Fife testify as to why he thought yummy masa was a big old mess of narcotics.  I'd pay even more to hear Sheriff Numbskull explain to the jury just how he trains his folks.

Long time readers know about my love affair for the South.  I think that folks up in Yankeeland get their sneer on when they don't know anything about the matter.  This time?  Every one of the worse stereotypes of the Damn Yankees is dead on.

Buncombe County, North Carolina, I appeal to you to do your part for Dixie's honor.  Turn Sheriff Numbskull out at the next election.  A grateful South thanks you.

*No, this is not a compliment.

3 comments:

libertyman said...

And I thought you were making fun of Buncombe County. It really IS named that!!

You can't make this stuff up!

-Dan said...

Yeah, well Good Ol' Boy Sheriff Van Duncan has that magic "D" behind his name on the ballot. Between all the hippies in the Asheville and the country boys who are Yellow Dog Dems, it'll be tough to give him the boot.

Would love to get rid of that clown -- but sadly, it's probably not the way to bet.

Midwest Chick said...

North Carolina has the tax structure of Massachusetts and the social backwardness of rural Alabama. It is truly the worst of both worlds.