Every f'n word is from his mouth to God's ears. It starts with awesome:
Every friend I have with a job that involves picking up something heavier than a laptop more than twice a week eventually finds a way to slip something like this into conversation: "Bro, you don't work hard. I just worked a 4700-hour week digging a tunnel under Mordor with a screwdriver."But then it dials the awesome up to eleven, and never looks back. This is particularly good too, about the state of the code we run:
[Lots about a crummy-bridge-designed-by-a-disfunctional-organization stuff deleted]Yup. And this describes my life during the last two or three weeks:
Would you drive across this bridge? No. If it somehow got built, everybody involved would be executed. Yet some version of this dynamic wrote every single program you have ever used, banking software, websites, and a ubiquitously used program that was supposed to protect information on the internet but didn't.
Remember that stuff about crazy people and bad code? The internet is that except it's literally a billion times worse. Websites that are glorified shopping carts with maybe three dynamic pages are maintained by teams of people around the clock, because the truth is everything is breaking all the time, everywhere, for everyone. Right now someone who works for Facebook is getting tens of thousands of error messages and frantically trying to find the problem before the whole charade collapses. There's a team at a Google office that hasn't slept in three days. Somewhere there's a database programmer surrounded by empty Mountain Dew bottles whose husband thinks she's dead. And if these people stop, the world burns. Most people don't even know what sysadmins do, but trust me, if they all took a lunch break at the same time they wouldn't make it to the deli before you ran out of bullets protecting your canned goods from roving bands of mutants.This is the most breathlessly cynical (and true) reflection of the State Of Things since Myers-Briggs met office politics. Go RTW damn T - there's more, so very much more. Yes, this is exactly why Internet security sucks infected canal water. If you are remotely involved with tech, you have got to go read the whole cynical, glorious thing. Especially the summing up:
So no, I'm not required to be able to lift objects weighing up to fifty pounds. I traded that for the opportunity to trim Satan's pubic hair while he dines out of my open skull so a few bits of the internet will continue to work for a few more days.
Oh. My. God. This is the funniest thing I've read in weeks. And every word is 100 proof distilled truth.