Unemployment rate drops to zero

Last unemployed American stops looking for work:

President Obama today became the first to achieve a milestone coveted by enlightened central planners everywhere, as the Bureau of Laborious Statistics announced the much-followed meaningless headline: "U3 unemployment rate for last month was ZERO PERCENT," which clearly implies that the glorious economic recovery he engineered after the disastrous Bush years has now resulted in full employment.

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Naysayers were quick to note that the labor force participation rate had also dropped to zero percent, which, according to them, was not a good thing as it meant no one was employed. Rep. Nancy Pelosi brilliantly countered their racist, straw-man argument by observing that it also meant no comrade was any longer "job-locked" and each was free to be an artist, writer, or hooker, pursuing their passion.

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