SOCHI, RUSSIAN FEDERATION – Just hours before the opening ceremony for the Sochi Winter Olympics, Russia has put out an alert for two potential terror suspects, referred to by security officials as “moose” and “squirrel.”Damn Canadians. Jeez.
An outpouring of fear swept the tiny coastal town on the Black Sea as details emerged of the possible terrorist attack by the unlikely combination of two Americans, identified as Mr. Bullwinkle J. Moose and Rocket J. Squirrel. The two suspects are reportedly from Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, which Russian officials believe may indicate a connection to Canadian separatists.
“We thinking this is classic lone-wolf, err– lone-moose type suicide bomber, world’s greatest no-goodnik,” said Boris Badenov, a Russian expert on security and espionage who announced heightened security measures to catch the pair. He was joined by Colonel Natasha Fatale of the FSB.Yeah, I'll bet. Security always goes well until you see Moose and Squirrel.
“Security is going so well darling,” Ms. Fatale told reporters, before adding, “until we get word of confounded moose and squirrel!”