A German woman is up in court on a charge of "attempted manslaughter with a weapon", after allegedly trying to smother her boyfriend with her ample 38DD assets.Ride of the Valkyrie. Giggle *snort*. And the Germans call us "rednecks".
Lawyer Tim Schmidt, 30, claims 33-year-old Franziska Hansen forced his head into her voluminous top-hamper while they were making the beast with two backs back in May in the town of Unna.
Schmidt added that he managed to escape the Ride of the Valkyrie, and fled naked to a neighbour's house, from where he called the cops.
Regarding a motive for the bazonga blitzkrieg, Hansen was apparently jealous of her other half's successful law career while she "struggled to adapt to life and failed to hold down a string of jobs".
Yeah, yeah, attempted murder is very serious, yadda yadda. I'd post a picture of the, ahem, weapon, but I don't run that sort of joint. You'll have to be satisfied with a cold shower, or this: