Happy Dirty Commie Day!

It's the annual "Hug a Commie Bastard" day, so to help educate the idiots who think that Socialism is totes cool and everything, here is a selection of jokes told back in the Soviet Union.  Five minutes reading the dark humor of the people trapped behind the Iron Curtain will be a bracing tonic to the drivel that your pinko teachers taught you.*

First up: declassified CIA reports on soviet jokes (I'm not making this up, you know):

Click through to read the whole multi-page thing, along with some pretty interesting background material.  My favorite here is this one:

A train bearing Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev, and Gorbachev came to a sudden stop when the tracks ran out.  Each leader applies his own, unique solution.  Lenin gathers workers and peasants from miles around and exhorts them to build more track.  Stalin shoots the train crew when the train still doesn't move.  Khrushchev rehabilitates the dead crew and orders the track behind the train ripped up and laid in front.  Brezhnev pulls the curtains and rocks back and forth, pretending the train is moving.  Gorbachev calls a rally in front of the train where he leads a chant: No track!  No track! No track!

Remember, these are jokes told by the average Ivan on the street in the Worker's Paradise.  Now, remember I said that I'm not making this up - the CIA really did collect jokes from behind the Iron Curtain.  It's not sure when this started, but we know for a fact that at least one US President liked to tell them to people:



Next up: a more web-friendly collection.  This is my favorite from there:

A farm worker greets Josef Stalin at his potato farm.  

“Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God,” the farmer excitedly tells his leader. 

“But God does not exist,” replies Stalin. 

“Exactly,” says the farmer. “Neither do the potatoes.”

Heh.  And last but by no means least, Yakov Smirnoff's epic Light Beer commercial:



He also had a great joke on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show: You know what I love about America?  Warning shots.

So have a happy and humorous Dirty Commie Day.  Celebrate that the Usual Suspects™ haven't shoved it down our throats yet.

* Well, not you, gentle reader.  Work with me here.