The Devil's Climate Dictionary v2.0

After posting my first poor attempt at a Climate Devil's Dictionary, I had a nightmare where I was visited by the ghost of Ambrose Bierce. He was not pleased at the lack of snark, and suggested that I try again.

Or else.

So here's what you really need to know about Global Warming. Some of this is inside baseball, so feel free to check the previous version for a Cliff's Notes explanation.

Anomaly

n. The difference between the measured temperature as reported by weather station thermometers, and the global temperature as reported in NASA's press releases. The global temperature anomaly has been increasing over the past 50 years, as shown in the following diagram:

Confidence Interval

n. A statistical measurement of the period between publication of a peer-reviewed climate article and a response on Steve McIntyre's blog.

Decadal Oscillation

n. 1. The period of the shift from zomg-it's-getting-hotter-we're-all-gonna-die!!!1!! as reported by scientists to the media, to zomg-it's-getting-colder-we're-all-gonna-die!!!1!! as reported by scientists to the media. 2. The period between government funding of Global Warming studies, and government funding of Global Cooling studies.

Discontinuity

n. The feeling experienced by a reporter for the New York Times on hearing that the head of the UN IPCC is making tons of money from companies investing in Carbon Trading schemes. After all, they thought that he was On The Side Of The Angels.

Divergence

n. The act of a reporter writing an article critical of the Global Warming scare.

Forcing

n. What is done to the raw temperature data to make it show warming.

Glacial

adv. The pace at which the Main Stream Media has started to honestly report on climate change.

Grid

n. A computer programming process to simplify forcing (q.v.) by Climate Scientists. No, they didn't tell us how they did it, but don't worry - it's been peer-reviewed (q.v.)!

Hockey Stick

n. The shape of all climate trend graphs. Srlsy, it's been peer-reviewed (q.v.).

Homogenization

n. Another computer programming process to simplify forcing (q.v.) by Climate Scientists. It's not documented either, but don't worry - it's been peer-reviewed (q.v.), too.

Model

n. A computer program that takes garbage input and produces peer-reviewed (q.v.) output.

v. What hockey stick (q.v.) cheesecake does for the Main Stream Media.

Peer-Review

n. 1. A rigorous scientific analysis of our scientific articles, similar in scope to a financial audit by Bernie Maddox and Sons, LLC. 2. A rigorous scientific analysis of our enemy's scientific articles, similar in scope to an interview by the Spanish Inquisition. 3. What are you, some sort of denier? Get the heck off my lawn!

Proxy

n. 1. A treemometer. 2. A substitute measurement for temperature that is entirely inaccurate during the last 50 years (as it contradicts increasing temperature as measured by thermometers), but which is absolutely reliable over the prior 1000 years, especially that bit from Michael Mann that gets rid of the Medieval Warm Period.

Surface Record

n. 1. A sufficiently spectacular result of forcing (q.v.) that causes the press to return our phone calls. 2. More broadly, all of the events described in the first definition, collectively.

Warming

n. The process of taking a temperature measurement. syn. Cooling.

Weather

n. A localized condition unrelated to global climate. Compare to climate (n): anything that proves the theory of Global Warming.