Err, don't give these out on Valentine's Day

 For the Tolkien lover:

For the pessimist:

For the, err, disturbed:

From Rejected Candy Hearts.  I like this one:

Going to invade you like France #RejectedCandyHearts pic.twitter.com/d71bsBsGBW
— Henry Tudor (@KngHnryVIII) February 4, 2015