Sunday, July 11, 2010

The coming Goblin apocalypse

Great. Now that my Zombie Apocalypse plan is done, I need to start in on a new one, for when a rift opens in the space-time continuum:

So, what if a mystical veil appears (or re-appears…) – a gate between our world, and other places where there are dragons, goblins, dwarves, and whatnot. And what if they all have magical weaponry and armor. And they invade in force – huge numbers, hundreds of divisions? What then?

...

So, a fully geared up goblin warrior is armored over most of his body, but certainly the head and torso. Regular small-arms fire is functionally useless – only a shot to the face or multiple wounds to the extremities will stop him. At range, he’s got a bow and a quiver of arrows. These are at least as accurate as the English longbow, but with a tendency to result in head shots. And, once they get close, they’ve got super-sharp can openers that will cut right through any body armor. They’ve got no artillery to speak of. They depend on mass assaults in the medieval style to close and gut their opponents who are typically other goblins, armed similarly.
Interesting analysis. And I can't argue with this:
Personally, if I was going up against a troll, I’d rather have a Barrett .50 than a rusty longsword.
And he has a follow-up post musing on the effectiveness of the M1 Abrams vs. fire breathing dragons. And he offers up as enticing an invitation as I've ever heard:
Look at this as if you were a cthulhoid malevolent intelligence planning the invasion of Earth – what creatures of legend, or what types of magic, would be required to even the odds?

4 comments:

Raptor said...

Well, according to Monster Hunter International by Larry Correia (great book BTW), specifically the Nachty Bottom incident, if a transdimitional rift opens up and the demons start pourin' out, we're pretty much f***ed, as in end-of-the-world-kiss-your-@$$-goodbye f***ed.

Anonymous said...

You should check out the Shadowrun series of books based off the game. You can find them in most used bookstores.

Brass

scotaku said...

Am I the sucker limited to mundane gear? 'Cos I'd love to have Stormbringer, in context. Either that or the Ark of the Covenant.

Otherwise, I'd like to see how some manner of flamethower works v. goblinkind.

Jay G said...

Two words: Belt-fed.

Magical armor don't mean squat against a Ma Deuce.

JMB wins again.

(word verification: satann. I swear to G-d I am not making that up...)