Wednesday, December 19, 2018

A non-racist argument for Immigration Reform

If you're thinking of seeing the new Mary Poppins film, you might want to reconsider.

The film stars Emily Blunt, a British actress in the role made iconic by British actress Julie Andrews.  Miss Blunt became a naturalized American citizen in August 2015.  The very next month, she told the Press that she had perhaps made a terrible mistake:
Emily Blunt said watching the Republican debate made her have second thoughts about becoming an American. 
“I became an American citizen recently,” the actress told The Hollywood Reporter during the Toronto Film Festival. “And that night, we watched the debate and I thought, ‘This was a terrible mistake. What have I done?'”
Alas, to be so suddenly disillusioned.  Personally, I blame the Republic's lax immigration policies for her sad predicament.  If only the bar were set higher, perhaps if potential immigrants had to strive harder and to - dare I say it? - want more desperately to actually become American, then tragedies like Miss Blunt's* might become a thing of the past.

Think I'm exaggerating?  Consider Miss Blunt's story, in her own words:
“I’m not sure I’m entirely thrilled about it,” she said. “People ask me about the whole day. They were like, ‘Oh, it must have been so emotional.’ I was like, ‘It wasn’t! It was sad!’ I like being British.” 
Oh, the horror!  So sad to be forced to become - one almost chokes on the word - American.

[Pauses to let the hisses and howls of disapprobation die down]
“The thing that’s weird is I do get to keep both my British citizenship and this, but you have to renounce her [Queen Elizabeth II.] So, it’s kind of typically American — not to be rude — but I had to renounce her in the room but I don’t actually, technically renounce her.” 
“They were like, ‘Just say it. You don’t have to mean it, but just say it.'”
Not to be rude.  Well done, Miss Blunt!  Lord knows that we don't want any of those types coming to our fair shores.  Oh, wait.  Well good thing that we dumb Yanks don't make you actually mean what you swear to under penalty of perjury.  No bigs.  Whatevs.

Ahem.

So what can we intuit from Miss Blunt's rather bold confession?  I might offer a few ideas, none of which are actually mutually exclusive:

  • Miss Blunt is a liar.  She either meant to actually become an American citizen and lied to a biased Hollywood Press, or she never really wanted to become an American citizen and lied to the US Immigration and Naturalization Service.
  • Miss Blunt is a fool, and more sadly, a fool that never heard that old saying recommending that one keep one's mouth shut to avoid dispelling all doubt on the subject.
  • Miss Blunt is a more or less typical Hollywood starlet, happy to sell her virtue to get the right roles.  Miss Blunt was in the running for a major Motion Picture role at the time (Mary Poppins) and probably suspected that saying the Approved™ (i.e. anti Republican) words in a high profile/high impact ("I regret becoming an American because of those bloody Republicans!") interview would help her land the part.  Which she did.
Personally, I tend towards the argument that she has an easy virtue.  It's hard to believe that she hadn't heard all the coffee mess scuttlebutt about Harvey Weinstein's many sexual assaults, but instead of condemning him, she unloaded on Republicans.

Oooooh kaaaay.  #BeliveAllWomen, sweetie.

And so I find myself strangely uneager to see her new film, even though it has the New Film Smell seems to have been nominated for Best Picture or something.  Since Miss Blunt seems perfectly happy being British (Not That There's Anything Wrong With That™) let me offer her a simple expression that is strangely popular here in the Colonies:
Don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out, sweet cheeks.
And is it now OK to start to question whether the current immigration policies are not only admitting but are actually naturalizing people who do not seem to have any desire at all to become, you know - American?  And let me point out to the Usual Suspects® who are perpetually offended (without seeming to have an IQ that can fog a mirror) - if this attitude is racist, then I'm being racist against a person who is whiter than Mitt Romney in a snowstorm, covered in mayonnaise.

Me, I'm thinking that once Donald Trump builds that wall at the southern border, maybe we should consider some tank traps and minefields at the Atlantic beaches to keep unruly (and snobby) Brits out.  No doubt the Usual Suspects® would call this Nazi atrocity the "Atlantic Wall" or some such nonsense.

Or maybe the Fed.Gov could just make it a little harder to come here and become a fellow citizen of millions of people you detest.  You know - make people prove that they actually don't detest half the country before getting voting rights?

Yeah, yeah - this is crazy talk.  Or something.  But just think of Miss Blunt's personal Hell.  If the Government can save just one millionaire Hollywood starlet, isn't it worth it?  Just one?

Oh, and by the way: Julie Andrews owned the role.  Also, I have absolutely no idea what her politics are.  That makes her not just a better actress but a million times smarter than Miss Blunt.  It would be ungallant of me to wish Blunt to die screaming in a fire, so instead let me just say that alas, we shall not be frequenting her films.  This one or subsequent performances.

So very sad.  Perhaps she would feel better about all this if she moved back to Blighty?

* More properly, she is called Mrs. John Krasinski.  Mr. Krasinski stared in the US version of "The Office".

6 comments:

Jess said...

I never heard of Emily Blunt, until your post. Now, since she's such a twit, I doubt I'll ever watch anything she decides to play in.

cryptical said...

She was in the first Sicario, playing a team lead for the FBI HRT.

Liked the movie, didn't really care for her in the role.

Beans said...

She's an okay actress. Starred as a young Queen Victoria, some movie with our favorite Scientologist not named John Travolta (that short annoying fellow...) and well, reminds me why many cultures consider actress to be equivalent to whore.

Hey lady. As a descendent of people who froze both at Plymouth and at Valley Forge, I kindly encourage you to FOAD.

As to Mary Poppins. Some movies should just never be remade or sequel-ed. No Julie Andrews or Dick Van Dyke or cute Disney special effects and animations? Bleh. Not just no, but Heck NO!!!

Whatever happened to having to take a whole bunch of tests and going through a long process and cutting ties with all Foreign governments during the naturalization process? Again, something my great grandfather, Gustav W. had to do when he fled/got kicked out of Germany during the Unification process and subsequent stupidity in the late 1880's.

Geez, she's almost as bad as Californians who move to your state and then try to change it into California... wait, oh, no, she Lives in California...

Shoot, shovel, dance on her grave.

rick said...

No matter what else, she starred opposite Cruise in "Edge of Tomorrow" and that movie is highly rewarding if you like seeing him get killed over and over.

LSP said...

Blunt rhymes with...

Ken said...

She's fairly good at comedy, and Edge of Tomorrow was fun. As for politics, well, people got a right to be wrong, and frankly they do us a favor when they beclown themselves. Quality entertainment is hard to come by.