To: Acting SECNAV
From: Borepatch
Subject: CO, U.S.S. Theodore Roosevelt
Dear Acting SECNAV:
An old story from the world of professional football may clarify the current situation of you vis a vis CAPT Crozier, CO of the aircraft carrier USS TR
who you are about to s***can for acting in the interest of
keeping his crew functional in the face of the Red Chinese Virus Plague from Hell (RCVPfH™).
A losing team fired their coach and brought in a new one, to get the team back on a winning track. As he was moving into his office he found two sealed envelopes in the desk. One was labeled "Open in the first crisis" and the second was labeled "Open in the second crisis". He thought this was a little weird but tossed them in the back of the desk drawer and forgot about them.
The new season opened, and it did not open well. The team was losing, and losing badly. The fans and the home town press started questioning what he was doing, and whether replacing the old coach had been a good idea or not. He was putting in 18 hour days trying to turn things around, and in the wee hours of the night, he found the envelopes in his desk. Figuring that this was a crisis, he opened the first one. It read, in its entirety:
Blame everything on me.
He called a press conference and talked about how he had inherited a completely messed up team. He went on about how the previous coach had let a thousand flowers of failure bloom, and that he was working on weeding out the old, bad regime and laying the seeds of success.
And it worked. The boos weren't as loud, and the press backed off.
But late in the season it came back. His respite was gone, and the boo-birds and scathing media were back in full swing. He figured that this was the second crisis, and so went to his office and opened the second envelope. It read, in its entirety:
Make two new envelopes.
POTUS Donald Trump is really good at firing people who he puts in a management position in order to fix particular problems. Your predecessor did not support the people under his command, and is now enjoying more time with his family. Observing how you choose to deal with people under your command - particularly CPT Crozier who looks like he is doing his best to suppress the virus outbreak on one of our capital ships so it can get back into action - suggests this as your next career step:
Make up two new envelopes.
Love, Borepatch
P.S. I had higher hopes that you might raise my estimate of the caliber of the inhabitants of the E-Ring. It appears that I was misinformed.
P.P.S. Don't let it hit you in the derriere on the way out, bucko.
UPDATE 3 April 2020 10:49: I'm not the only one steamed about this - the
House Armed Forces Committee is pretty blunt that SECNAV screwed up here.
April 19th, 2009 at 11:05 amI have old-but-direct experience with the models, circa 1999, about the time of the Mann graph.
I was a science reporter in Madison, WI. And got asked to interview Dr. Reid Bryson at the UW Madison. Bryson is, for all intents and purposes, the figurative founder of atmospheric and climate sciences.
I wouldn’t know where to look for the bugger factors in the models.
However, he and I spent about 3 weeks running three of their models through their paces.
We started using the data sets they gave, and got the results they indicated.
We then looked at the data sets given and compared them to historical temperature proxies, and found some discrepencies, and noted that it treated the H20 storage capacity of the middle atmosphere as being infinite (major problem).
We then ran historical data from 1900 into all three models, and let them run (each modeling run took about 4 days, so we ran them in parallel.
One had the oceans boiling off in the 1950s, because the temperatures in the 1930s triggered a runaway greenhouse effect.
The other two were less spectacular – they had temperature rises of about 5-6 C and 6-9 by the end of the century.
We then tried to isolate the forcing factors and see what they were; we ran the most extreme model with a solar input constant that was HALFED (EG, we did the equivalent of moving the Earth to Mars’ orbit). We postponed the boil-off effect to the late ’90s by doing that.)
So, we take the data sets they give, we run corroborations, we can’t replicate the historical record.
So, who is it that doesn’t understand the scientific method?
Atmospheric observational scientists don’t report anything CLOSE to what the predictions make.
The Dean of the American Society of Statistical Sciences (Wegman) says, in essence, that if the statistical methods used by most of the climate sciences were used that way on a Freshman stats class, he’d flunk them all – and says, before Congress, that they cooked the books for a political agenda.
I write models for a living – I design games. This doesn’t mean I’m up to all the tricks of cooking models that are out there, but I do know how to do bounds checking on them, how to run a chi-square, and look for hot spots. I have discovered that I’ve got more day to day use of my stats and calculus classes than most of the professional working scientists I know, or have as customers.
If I’d gotten a historical wargame submission this bad, I’d've sent it back with a reading list on the topic and told the author to try again.