Tuesday, March 29, 2022

OK, I'll play

Glen Filthie posted about some Twitter Chick and her, well, challenge:

He has his suggestions from North of the Border, so go read.  So here is my answer to Inna's excellent question.  Vladimir Putin is welcome to:

  • California, Oregon, and Washington.  Sorry, we keep Alaska (and Canada keeps Yukon, per Glen).  Note to Vlad - there's a real crime problem in Seattle and Portland, and San Francisco has a problem with the homeless crapping on the street.  Maybe the Russian Mob can fix all this.
  • New England, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, and Pennsylvania east of Harrisburg.  Sorry for northern Maine and New Hampshire but y'all know that you're screwed with all the Boston refugees.  Not to mention Glen giving away Quebec.
  • Chicago, Denver, and Albuquerque.  Giving these "City-States" away will being sanity to Illinois, Colorado, and New Mexico.  Well, some sanity.  For a bonus, we'll throw in Austin if Vlad promises to keep it weird.
  • Minnesota.  'nuff said.

I reserve the right to "gift" other places to Russia in the future.  Maybe in exchange for some good Vodka.

So let me know what you think in the comments.  Did I leave out anything important?

21 comments:

Chad Mynhier said...

Do we have to wait for him to start bombing?

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Borepatch, I might narrow your selection of California to a narrow strip along the coast, ending somewhere around Marin County. Lots of perfectly normal people in the rest of the state.

Arc Eye said...

Perfectly normal? Well,,,,I don’t know..

Wayne said...

Only if they take Santa Fe too.

SiGraybeard said...

How about the "Gold Coast" of Florida? Miami Beach and the first few miles inland up to the north end of Palm Beach County. Just let me get my brother's family out of there. ;-)

Ed Skinner said...

WTF you're keeping DC? It's what's driving the whole cesspool, for Pete's sake.

Aesop said...

Best Wishes with that plan.

As Richard Blaine observed to Major Straßer, "There are certain sections of Los Angeles and Oakland that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade."

But in any group, there's always someone who's willing to give a crocodile one of his legs, thinking thereby to save his own ass.

Maniac said...

Chad's right - we should perform the enema ourselves. Starting with San Fransicko.

Ken said...

Mordor-on-the-Potomac.

Richard said...

Las Vegas. NV would be fine without it.

MaddMedic said...

Hey wait a minute!! Minnesota?? How just MPLS/STP?? Geeze I'll have to move to S.Dakota!!

Glen Filthie said...

For once the salad-tossing Aesop is right!

Look, Vlad - California is full of AIDS, air pollution, beaners, and she-twinks like Aesop that would make your skin crawl! In Queerbec, there’s…there’s…..errrrrmm… there’s a good hockey team!!! Don’t be fooled by these capitalist American pigs!!! We’ll PAY for you to take them!!! In rubles and kopeks!!!
😂👍

Unknown said...

Conservative who (sadly) lives in southern Maine (or northern Mass. as we like to say).

Yeah, we're screwed if this goes sideways.

Diane

Weetabix said...

I'd add Rhode Island and St. Louis.

Ygolonac said...

Western Washington is the problem, and mainly concentrated in the Seattle/Tacoma urban blot. Saw that off, drag it down to Portland for the same process, and take all that down to Frisco.

There's dumbassery here in Spokane, but the wetsiders are beyond belief. Wave that bye-bye, and the ones locally will probably calm down some, since they won't have the People's Republics to inspire them/outweigh the non-dumbass majority.

Rickvid in Seattle said...

Hmm, giving Vlad pretty much every seaport facility, many airports, lots of tech industry, farmland, and population, even if many, but sure as shit not all, are leftist loons.

Let them run off and leave the rest of us to keep the invaders out. Then when the cowards try to slink back, we can set the terms.

James said...

Dearborn MI

Hoss said...

Eastern and Southern Oregon as well as some of Northern California would rather not. But please, take the willamete valley.

Peteforester said...

You're whittling the United States down to a rather small, landlocked place with unpredictable weather, short growing seasons, and lousy soil. In other words, YOU'RE RETREATING.

I hear the "give up California" thing every day. Go ahead. Give Putin some of the most fertile soil IN THE WORLD; soil that's arable ALL.YEAR.LONG. Let's see; what else? Oil, precious metals, Minerals, fisheries, THREE deep-water ports, Oh-and more Conservatives than several "flyover" states... COMBINED. Sure, give it all to the Ruskies. Not only will they now have what you need, but they'll be right on your doorstep. Your brilliance is STAGGERING.

...And for the record, the SEVERAL MILLION Conservatives in California won't be as quick to give up some of America's most valuable land as you are...

Aesop said...

Back at ya, Glen:

Canuckistan is full of Quebecois, queefs, and Monty Python lumberjacks who like to press wildflowers. Oh, and Hongcouver, plus Moscow-on-the-Ottawa. Howzat all working out for ya?

Most of California, by contrast, is redder than a sunburned pig east of the I-5.

If the Russians want anything this side of the pond, I invite them, most heartily, "Molon Labe". We would welcome the clarity of the contest.

Comrade Misfit said...

Texas, Louisiana, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi and Florida. That'd raise the collective IQ of the resultant USA by at least five points.