Worst. Movie. Ever.

Blogging is off schedule today, because last night we watched what must be the most amazingly craptacular movie ever made.  I'm talking, of course, about Dune.

I was quite a fan of the book, back in college, and so when the movie came out, a bunch of us went out to the opening.  We were all left speechless at the drool-inducing badness that is this film.

Now a little of this, in all honesty, is Frank Herbert's fault.  You have plot holes: the loyalty conditioning of the doctor is broken by the old So you haff relatifs on Gedi Prime, ja? thing?  And the most suspicious mentat in the galaxy doesn't even think about this?  But this was in the book, so we can't blame the film.

And the cast was pretty good, too.  Francesca Annisis more than just eye candy, but there wasn't much here for her to do - despite having one of the most critical roles in the book.  The other actors were pretty wooden, despite their talent (I mean, come on - Patrick Stewart?).  It was almost like they were marionettes, moving across the stage propelled by strings.

The problem is that the screenplay stinks.  The sweeping canvas of the narrative is everything, and all else is sacrificed for it.  Yes, you only hace 100 minutes, so you have to cut something, but characterization?  And even that wasn't enough.  The first rule of fiction is don't tell me - show me.  This film keeps rolling out a narrator to tell us what they couldn't figure out how to work into the action, and couldn't bear to cut.

And so, it was like watching a train wreck.  With a story this compelling, with actors if this talent, with a $40M budget (in 1984!), they gave us a turd.  Well, David Lynch gave us this turd of a screenplay.  What a waste.

I'd be interested to see what Peter Jackson could do with this.