Keeping the muzzle pointed in a safe direction since 2008
Stupid people say stupid stuff.The rest of us just offer our condolences, and help, if needed.....
They also "know how you feel" which is a load of carp unless they have lost an adult child.I know how you son felt, I dealt with refractory (untreatable by conventional means) depression for nigh over 3 decades, and it has only need because of experimental (read pay out of pocket all costs) treatment over the past 7-8 months that I have found any relief from it, and the ideation is not far from the surface. But that is a discussion for a much later time.
Depending on how well I know them, I tell the folks suffering from loss that I am sorry, then I ask them to try and be patient with all the stupid things people will say.
If you can at this point, step outside yourself ASM. People that like or love you are confronted by your grief that they can do nothing about and they get flustered - and stuff like that comes out. Most times like this it's a clumsy expression of affection and sympathy. Give them a pass if you are able.
I am really pretty cool with it. It's disconcerting for people when they are doing their best to say something comforting and you laugh.
Yes, some stupid things are said when people are in the middle of the toughest times. And yes, sometimes something may bring on laughter at what someone else may think is an inappropriate time.If you can laugh at all, you can heal. And if you do laugh at all, you will heal.May your sorrow pass quickly, may your pain rest lightly on your soul, and may your memories be sweet.
I like that "Better Place" B.S.!! If it's so freaking great why don't we all go there!! Sounds like a great after work Bar, only the drinks are free!! yeah, right!!"Grief never ends.......But it Changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith....It is the price of Love." -Unknown-skybill-out
They don't know what to say, and feel the need to say something. "In a better place" is sentimental religious blather that a genuine believer (like myself) would avoid saying because of the possibility of the contrary state. Death is not just "moving on". It is a great and terrible wall."Grief never ends", but you come to a time when the loss is not all you think about. How long that takes, I can't tell you. (FWIW, we have lost adult children.)I found that dealing with my oldest son's estate drug things out for a long time. It was as though I was sort of interacting with him, going through his email, getting his mail, tracking down creditors and assets.
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