Monday, July 21, 2014

Movie Review: Dawn of Planet of the Apes

First, to say something nice. Great special effects on the apes.

The special effects must have taken the entire budget, though, because they could not afford to hire anyone to help with veracity when it came to weapons.

First, no one aims, especially the apes. They just throw the rifles up one handed and shoot spray.

Second, no one on either side reloads and they are all firing M-16s on full auto. Seriously, the whole flippin' movie. NO. ONE. RELOADS. The apes spray unaimed rounds on full auto for twenty minutes and overwhelm the humans. The cyclic firing rate for an M-16 is 600 rounds a minute. Hold the trigger down and 30 rounds last 3 seconds.They would have needed to be strong as gorillas to carry the loaded magazines they would have used and they would have been reloading every 3 seconds. Watch how long each magazine lasts:

Third, the humans are supposedly "test firing" all the weapons in the arsenal. Are they zeroing the weapons for accuracy? Are they cleaning and servicing the weapons, then testing firing any that have had problems? No, they're doing mag dumps. Seriously, in a world where all the ammo you will ever have in what you have right now, they pouring it out the barrels for no reason.

And finally, the hero points his rifle at some other humans. After some posturing, they move toward him, and he pulls the charging handle to work the bolt. If it was already loaded, all he did was dump a round. If it wasn't already loaded, what was he doing pointing it at anyone with intent?

I usually give movies a pass on gun handling, shooting while running, etc. This one worked hard to get fully into teh stupid.


Borepatch said...

Actually, the script probably called for him to pull the shoulder thing that goes up.

Dave H said...

Or it was supposed to fire as soon as he pointed it at them. You know how those evil black guns are; they'll jump up and shoot someone all by themselves. The fiddling with the charging handle was probably trying to get it to work.

Old NFO said...

Makes NO sense...

Coffeypot said...

It is feaking Liberal Hollywood. Do you expect anything that makes sense or factual out of them in the movies or IRL?

Coffeypot said...

Oh! The video is pretty much how I take care of spiders and snakes.

Rick C said...

Well, come on, we all know that you rack the slide/pull the charging handle to tell people You Mean Business, right? It's not actually to load the weapon.

Goober said...

There's actually a TV Trope for the "bad-ass always cocking his gun" meme.

It's something Hollywood has decided is totally badass. Especially if you cock your gun to punctuate some particularly badass phrase or utterance.

It all goes back to the fact that Hollywood rarely ever gets anything right, but they're especially bad when it comes to guns:

How many metric tons of ammunition would Jesse Ventura have had to schlep through the panamanian jungle in order to feed that mini-gun for the sustained period of fire he threw out?

How is it that no gun in Hollywood ever recoils, ever? I first noticed this when Mel Gibson was firing his beretta rapid fire, one handed, and realized that no such thing could ever be humanly possible.

How could a cartridge black powder greener develop enough muxxle energy to bodily throw a man against a wall on the other side of an alleyway, even if both barrels were fired, al-la Robert Duvall in "Open Range"? THat is, without likewise throwing the shooter backwards in the same fashion? What size gun would it take to do that? A howitzer?

And don't even get me started on double-weilding. THere has never been a more stupid and idiotic movie meme than "badass dude has the ability to move his eyes independently of each other, and has two independent visual cortexes that can make sense of the picture provided, so he an accurately sight and fire two pistols, one handed, all while being insanely accurate. "Last man standing" with Bruce Willis was probably the first time I noticed THIS little gem of stupidity...

Hollywood has never understood guns, and they've never really cared to. Even the movies where they try to be as accurate as possible - how many "oh shit, my gu just jammed!" scenes do you remember in "Saving Private Ryan?"

Out of how many rounds fired, now?