Writing philosophy like a Boss

We tend to scoff at philosophers these days, seeing them less as deep thinkers than as whiners.  That misses the great thrust of history, when philosophers were generally much more highly regarded.  They may have been wrong, but until recently, they at least had logic on their side.

But what about the Bad Ass Philosophers?  You know, the ones who could speak a Killing Word?  Not such a bunch of nancy boys, eh?  OK, here's the annotated Borepatch list of Bad Ass Philosophers.

Friedrich Nietzsche

The Ubermensch, "God is Dead", and death in an Insane Asylum. He inspired this:



It wasn't always a cliche.  And neither was he.

Arthur Schopenhauer

He inspired Nietzsche, along with essentially every philosopher in Europe.  And Albert Einstein.  And Hitler (see the "will to live").  And he inspired Eugenics, which is really ironic since he thought that compassion was the center of all ethics.  Sort of a Ghandi meets Mussolini kind of thing which, while certainly really really wrong is totally badass.

Baruch Spinoza

Dude, what do you have to do to get excommunicated by the Rabbis of Amsterdam and have your books banned by the Catholic Church?  Write philosophy like a Boss, that's what.  Oh, and Hegel thought you either understood Spinoza or you didn't know jack about Philosophy.  I heard that Hegel would rough you up if you couldn't cite Spinoza, and so there.

Badass Philosophers Blog

Yeah, you heard me right.  Hope they shoot.  If they're philosophical, they reload their spent brass and do it again.  I shoot, therefore I am.

Diogenes

The first hipster.  He dissed the Great Alexander to his face:

While Diogenes was relaxing in the sunlight in the morning, Alexander, thrilled to meet the famous philosopher, asked if there was any favour he might do for him. Diogenes replied, “Yes, stand out of my sunlight”. 

Dude dissed Alexander the freakin' Great.  Know what Alex said?

Alexander then declared, “If I were not Alexander, then I should wish to be Diogenes.”

Badass of the Ancient World, right there.  Err, except for this one:


The most badass Philosopher of all time: Marcus Aurelius

Dude was Roman Emperor, and so he could have you crucified and everything, including Alexander.  How badass was he?  Well, he was known to be a philosopher as well as an Emperor.  And he still wrote crap like this:

Through not observing what is in the mind of another a man has seldom been seen to be unhappy; but those who do not observe the movements of their own minds must of necessity be unhappy.

So how come nobody ever told him Dude, you write like a fortune cookie?  Because he was a damn Roman Emperor and could have you like all crucified and stuff.  And so it was all like Golf Clap and stuff.

If anyone wonders why I'm not a student of Philosophy, here ends the lesson.  Yes, I'm weird.  If you've read this far, I seem to be in good company.

Hast thou reason? I have.- Why then dost not thou use it?

- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book IV

Err, blogius ergo sum?