Nolo Contendre

The legal principle of nolo contendre is a legal principle where a defendant does not dispute the charges, while simultaneously refusing to admit to guilt (it is typically translated as I do not wish to contend). It is often termed "No Contest".

Ilya Somin over at Volokh posts that you're probably a felon. And in the spirit of full disclosure, here is my dirty laundry, hung out on Al Gore's Intarwebz:

"1. Used any of the hundreds of substances banned by federal law, including smoking small amounts of marijuana and the like when you were in college."

Well, yeah. It was the 1970s. Now I never much cared for it, and only did it 3 or 4 times. I preferred alcohol as my poison of choice, and as the song says didn't have any regrets to drown but tried to anyway - but yeah. Never mind that the Statues of Limitations have run out, it wasn't enough to keep me from getting a Top Secret security clearance back in the early 1980s.

"2. Underpaid federal taxes (often even inadvertently)."

Beats me. Between living in the UK for a year and being in the Internet startup game for a decade, I have absolutely no idea how to do my taxes anymore. I have the best CPA in the land, and no intention to change.

But could the prosecute me for something here? Who knows? If they do, I plan to invoke the "Geithner Defense". Other than the "My taxes are too dang high already" defense.

"3. Cut corners in your business dealings."

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Looking at the mail fraud case Somin linked, it makes me wonder if selling something on eBay could get you to the Big House.

"4. Mishandled supposedly dangerous substances or did a poor job of supervising workers who handled them."

Paint. Malathion, household solvents. We've had a bunch of stuff that the movers wouldn't ship for us. I'd tell you what we did with it, but might get in trouble or something ....

"5. Violated a wide range of miscellaneous federal regulations."

This one is a lock. We can start with the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA). All I can say is that I'm a trained professional, and don't try this at home.

So that's me. What're you in for?