Saturday, December 17, 2011

Worst. Movie. Ever.

Blogging is off schedule today, because last night we watched what must be the most amazingly craptacular movie ever made.  I'm talking, of course, about Dune.

I was quite a fan of the book, back in college, and so when the movie came out, a bunch of us went out to the opening.  We were all left speechless at the drool-inducing badness that is this film.

Now a little of this, in all honesty, is Frank Herbert's fault.  You have plot holes: the loyalty conditioning of the doctor is broken by the old So you haff relatifs on Gedi Prime, ja? thing?  And the most suspicious mentat in the galaxy doesn't even think about this?  But this was in the book, so we can't blame the film.

And the cast was pretty good, too.  Francesca Annisis more than just eye candy, but there wasn't much here for her to do - despite having one of the most critical roles in the book.  The other actors were pretty wooden, despite their talent (I mean, come on - Patrick Stewart?).  It was almost like they were marionettes, moving across the stage propelled by strings.

The problem is that the screenplay stinks.  The sweeping canvas of the narrative is everything, and all else is sacrificed for it.  Yes, you only hace 100 minutes, so you have to cut something, but characterization?  And even that wasn't enough.  The first rule of fiction is don't tell me - show me.  This film keeps rolling out a narrator to tell us what they couldn't figure out how to work into the action, and couldn't bear to cut.

And so, it was like watching a train wreck.  With a story this compelling, with actors if this talent, with a $40M budget (in 1984!), they gave us a turd.  Well, David Lynch gave us this turd of a screenplay.  What a waste.

I'd be interested to see what Peter Jackson could do with this.

10 comments:

MSgt B said...

We have the eight-hour version on DVD.

Much better.

Dean Carder said...

To declare "Dune" the worst movie ever made you must not have seen Bruce Willis' epic piece of crap called "Solaris".

DaddyBear said...

I enjoyed the Sci-Fi channel's adaptation a bit more. Since they made a mini-series out of it, they could take more time to tell what is a pretty ponderous story.

ProudHillbilly said...

I remember that. It's like "And there's a whole piece of my life wasted that I can't get back" when it's over.

Anonymous said...

Like Daddy Bear, I found the Sci Fi channel's mini-series to be much better.

Terry

BobG said...

I liked the mini-series also. The movie had a look that I liked, but you need more than photography and scenery when the story is mainly one of the characters.
I first read the story when it first came out in Analog magazine (I had a subscription) in 1963 as a serial.

Glenn Haldane said...

Jackson? After what he did to LOTR?

Midwest Chick said...

And with all of that money they couldn't even be consistent with the blue/blue eye thing caused by the spice.

Caught this one in the theater when it came out. The audience laughed when Paul saw Chani the first time and said (in his head of course) 'How beautiful.'.

IMO, the only part they got right was the Box, which was kind of cool.

Chas S. Clifton said...

I watched it mainly for the set design: "Biedermeier in Space."

John Farrier said...

I enjoyed the 1984 movie. But your other commenters are right: try the 2000 miniseries. It's excellent.